Rummage

November 01, 2008

Rummage

I am a foolish girl. Foolish to think that going through past things will bring me what I needed. I should already know that no good comes from looking back. and yet... all I wanted was to remember. I just wanted to remember how it felt like to read those words again. I was fool. How could words that once made me feel beautiful and whole now make me feel anything but?

I hurt myself. I know this. But why? For what?

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And here I am rummaging through the past. When I realize that it's almost the end of the year, I tend to look back and .. "rummage" through my old posts. Old things to see what I can find. See if I remember something I've long forgotten and see how I feel. Sometimes it's a gamble. I don't know what I'm going to feel after. Sometimes I lose, but sometimes .. on rare occasions I win. So as I took a moment to look back I found this (above post). At the time I wanted to look back and remember something I was longing for. It was foolish, but neglected girls tend to be think foolishly. I wish I could transport myself back to meet my former self and big her a big hug. Tell her things will be okay, that we'll be okay. Silly I know, but I can't help but wonder.. A year from now will I reread this post and think how foolish I was for thinking I was okay? That things will be okay? Hmm..